Shared sleep also known as co-sleeping
I may receive some backlash speaking on this touchy topic as it remains largely taboo.
Any talk related to co-sleeping online is met with attacks and bashing towards the parent. But what if I told you that research tells us that 75% of parents will share a sleep surface with their infant in the first three months of their lives?
I always feel so naughty like some type of rebel when I confess to parents that I co-sleep and have done so with all six of my children. I receive looks of utter shock and disbelief, as Aren’t I a midwife don’t I know ‘the rules’ around safe sleep? I mean how could I dare put my children in such harm's way? I must be asking for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
What I want to make clear is that I may be a midwife and yes in my place of government employment I must follow the safe sleep rules within the system and ensure parents are sleeping separately and safely with their infants.
But why must we fear-monger parents into believing that if they sleep with their infant such tragedy will almost definitely occur? Why are parents so scared to even broach this topic?
Safe bed sharing can save parents from sleep deprivation that can result in feelings of going crazy with loss of sanity and even depression.
Safe bed sharing can mean the difference between resenting your partner and holding feelings of frustration and anger toward an infant who refuses to sleep alone.
Now I want you to think back to bringing your brand new infant home with you for the first night. You bath them, you feed them, you ensure they have a clean and dry nappy whilst placing them in their crib that is nice and warm, just the right temperature. You make your way back to your bed and you settle in. You just start to drift off into the desperate sleep you have been looking oh so forward to and then you hear a little rustling coming from your infants crib, that rustling turns to further movement and then crying. That sleep must wait as you now need to start the process of resettling all over again from feeding to gentle patting to tucking them back into the crib. Who knows how many times you may visit this process throughout the night. Now you are ever so tired you can barely keep your eyes open, you find yourself drifting off to sleep sitting up in bed or on your nursing chair. This is co-sleeping.
You may have unintentionally co-slept without even realising many a time and by doing so without the proper education and information you may have been putting your infant at a great risk.
I know how hard you have tried mumma, you have tried everything to get your precious babe to sleep in their safe space. Do not co-sleep, co-sleeping is dangerous. It’s better to be so exhausted that you can’t even parent than to break the cardinal sin of bringing your infant into your bed.
Now let’s break that barrier surrounding bed sharing, let’s explore the ways to reduce the risk and stop parents fearing with such scare tactics. Safe bed sharing information isn’t relatively available, it’s like you have to search the dark web to find such information.
This isn’t fair and such informative educational information should be available to the parents that wish to inform themselves about safe bed sharing.
I want to ensure parents receive the message that safe sleep is about reducing risks for your infant and your family within your circumstances.
I always make it known to parents that what is right for one family may not be right for another. If you have a strong stance on bed sharing that is completely fine and your choice and right and I wholeheartedly support you as long as your infant is sleeping safely. It’s for the parents who are so scared about making the mistake of co-sleeping and finding themselves in dangerous situations that I want to be of benefit to. Education is power so knowing how to reduce risk in your setting is vital.
Organisations such as the Australian Breastfeeding Association, Australian College of Midwives, The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine, Red Nose and The Lullaby Trust all recognise that the stance ‘no co-sleeping’ is not sending the right message and have actively begun to share risk reduction strategies for safer shared sleep.
It’s not a recommendation but more providing ways to ensure the safety of your infant should you choose to share a sleeping space.
Tips for safer bed sharing (co-sleeping) ~
*taken from Red Nose
Place your baby on their back to sleep (never on their tummy or side). This helps to protect their airways.
Keep baby’s head and face uncovered by keeping pillows and adult bedding away from your baby. Use a safe sleeping bag with no hood with baby’s arms out – don’t wrap or swaddle baby when bed-sharing or co-sleeping.
Make sure the mattress is firm and flat. Don’t use a waterbed, or anything soft underneath – for example, a lamb’s wool underlay or pillows. This can increase the risk of overheating and suffocation.
Tie up long hair and remove anything else that could be a strangling risk, including all jewellery, teething necklaces and dummy chains
Move the bed away from the wall, so baby can’t get trapped between the bed and wall.
Make sure your baby can’t fall out of bed. Consider sleeping on your mattress on the floor if it’s possible your baby might roll off the bed
Create a clear space for your baby and place your baby on their back to the side of one parent away from the edge, never in the middle of two adults or next to other children or pets as this can increase the risk of overheating and suffocation.
When not to bed share (co-sleep) ~
You should never co-sleep or lie down holding baby if:
You are overly tired or unwell.
You or your partner have recently consumed alcohol.
You or your partner smoke, even if you don’t smoke in the bedroom.
You or your partner have taken any drugs that make you feel sleepy or less aware.
Your baby was premature or small for their gestational age.
Falling asleep holding baby on a couch or chair is always unsafe – move yourself and baby to a safe sleep environment if you think you might fall asleep.
Red Nose tips for safe sleeping ~
The Red Nose Six Safe Sleep Recommendations are based on many years of research and are evidence-based to reduce your risk of sudden infant death and other sleep accidents.
If you co-sleep with your baby, it is important to consider this advice and to follow our tips for safer co-sleeping.
Every family is unique, and every baby is unique – so you need to make the decision that is right for you and your family. Red Nose is here to support you on your parenting journey.
Always follow the Red Nose six safe
sleep recommendations:
Always place baby on their back to sleep
Keep baby’s face and head uncovered
Keep baby smoke free, before and after birth
Safe sleeping environment, day and night
Sleep baby in their own safe sleep space in the parent or caregiver’s room for the first 6 months
Breastfeed baby
Co-sleeping and breastfeeding ~
If you find yourself falling asleep whilst breastfeeding your infant and wondering if this is ok the advice is that breastfeeding reduces the risk for SIDS and the recommendation is to prepare your bed by following the Red Nose guidelines of ensuring all pillows and adult bedding is kept away or other items that may cause your infant to overheat or have a potential to cover their head. Place your infant to sleep on their back. Make sure your infant can not get trapped, wedged or fall between a mattress and the wall. You can reduce accidents by keeping other children and pets out of the bed. Never leave your infant alone in an adult bed.
Be aware when not to fall asleep with your infant such as in circumstances including on an arm chair or lounge.
Even if you have no intention of ever bed sharing research says that there is a high chance that you will, it’s for these occasions you need to be informed on how to reduce the risks.